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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27687118">All I Want For Christmas</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadows_Keeper/pseuds/Shadows_Keeper'>Shadows_Keeper</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, Post-Episode: s15e19 Inherit the Earth</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 01:54:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,659</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27687118</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadows_Keeper/pseuds/Shadows_Keeper</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been 5 years since Castiel sacrificed himself for Dean Winchester. Dean is doing his best to live a life he thinks Cas would want for him, and Castiel is helping Jack restructure the after life. The time for divine intervention on Earth is done, and while they both miss each other they know they can't be together right now. However, Christmas is the time for miracles...</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Dean Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>150</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Saving Christmas</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>My Christmas gift to myself and the Supernatural fandom!<br/>Thanks to my friend Lindsay for beta reading for me. Second person present is one of the hardest tenses for me to write in, but it felt right for the story. Any mistakes are my own.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dean Winchester’s arms are getting tired. He can feel the sweat dripping down his neck, and he really wishes they would turn off that damn Mariah Carey song. Even if it is helping him keep his compressions in time. Dean is crouched down in fake snow, surrounded by plastic reindeer, and Santa Claus himself is lying flat on his back in front of him having suffered a cardiac arrest on the last Saturday before Christmas. </p>
<p>Not for the first time Dean marvels at how weird post-hunter life can be. </p>
<p>The elves are keeping the crowd at bay but Dean can hear children crying, and the murmurs of parents trying to reassure them that Santa isn’t dying. Dean feels a crack and is pretty sure he has just broken one of Santa’s ribs. He hopes the kids didn’t hear that. </p>
<p>“Come on man.” He mutters under his breath. Sarah, his partner, has already shot Santa up with a stimulant and attached the defibrillator panels, now they just needed a rhythm. Just a little spark. Dean really hopes this isn’t taking as long as it feels like it’s taking.</p>
<p>“Maybe we should stop and get him out of here.” Whispers Dalbir, the EMT they were training. Kid was having one hell of a first day.</p>
<p>“Not yet. He’s still here.” Dean insists. He can feel the man’s life hanging in the balance and knows there’s still a chance. Another crack reverberates up his arms.  “Come on!” Dean yells</p>
<p>“We got V-Tach, clear!” Sarah yells. Dean throws his hands up, and Sarah hits a button that sends a shock of electricity to Santa’s heart causing his body to leap up. A child screams. </p>
<p>“Go.” At Sarah’s order Dean continues chest compressions until she yells clear again. Another shock, but this time his vitals stabilize. “We got him!” Sarah says. </p>
<p>Dean takes a deep breath and wipes the sweat out of his eyes before quickly getting back to work. Dalbir administers oxygen while Dean and Sarah get Santa onto the stretcher. Dean looks around at all the worried faces.</p>
<p>He hopes he sounds convincing as he says, “don't worry everyone. Santa just needs a little rest but he’ll be up and about by Christmas eve!” </p>
<p>There is clapping as they wheel Santa through the mall, and Mariah hits her last high note. It really hadn’t taken that long after all. </p>
<p>*** </p>
<p>Dean sits at a table rolling his cold beer between his hands. Sarah and Dalbir talk back and forth leaving him be. The bar is fairly crowded with the usual Saturday night crowd. It’s warm bordering on stuffy, but thankfully there is a cool breeze every time the door opens. Dean is lost in thought, he is remembering his first night as a full fledged paramedic. Things hadn’t turned out the way they had today. They had gotten a call about a homeless man collapsed in an alley. It was so late that it was practically morning. The cold rain had poured down on his head, leaked under his uniform, chilled him to the bone. A chill passes through him as he remembers.</p>
<p>He had known the guy was gone when he had started CPR but he still gave it his all. Even if you can’t save them all you still have to try. His compressions were stiffer than they were today. He still had to count under his breath back then. Maybe if they had been a little sooner. His partner made him stop. Maybe if he had been a little stronger. He walked down the alley to take a moment for himself. He sensed her before he saw her. Tessa the Reaper, looking much more lively than when he last saw her, hand in hand with the man he’d been working on. She smiled at him. Told him that there were big changes going on on the other side, thanks to Jack and Castiel. She said he would be proud of them, that they were proud of him, and then she was gone. He hopes she was right. </p>
<p>Sarah looks up as a wave of fresh air reaches them. Dean looks up too and sees a man in a trench coat coming in the door. His heart stops for a second before he recognizes Doug, Sarah’s husband. Doug rushes over to their table giving Sarah a quick kiss before sitting down. She leans against him. Their intimacy is quiet and comfortable. If Dean feels a small tug in his stomach he ignores it and takes a drink of his beer. </p>
<p>“So how goes the battle?” Doug asks. “Mine was very successful. Sheets balanced. All my numbers in a row, not a single soldier lost.”</p>
<p>“That’s nice babe. We,” she says taking a dramatic pause and gesturing to the table, “saved Christmas.” </p>
<p>“Really?”</p>
<p>“Yup. Re-started Santa’s heart right in front of a group of terrified children.” Sarah replies.</p>
<p>“No shit.” says Doug.</p>
<p>“It was a lot.” adds Dalbir, “maybe I’m not cut out for this.” </p>
<p>This stirs Dean out of his revery. He gives Dalbir a supportive pat on his leg. “You were great kid. Kept your cool, jumped in when needed. You got this.” </p>
<p>Dalbir looks at Dean intently. “But how did you know. How did you know to keep going?”</p>
<p>“Oh Winchester always knows.” Sarah answers. “That can’t be taught. It’s like he sees their soul leave their body.”</p>
<p>Dean scoffs. “It’s just a feeling. Trust your gut kid, you’ll get there.” Dean winks at Dalbir, and Dalbir’s cheeks darken. </p>
<p>“I’m going to get another drink.” Dalbir says, quickly leaving the table.</p>
<p>“Uh oh, another one.” Doug says.</p>
<p>“Another what?” Dean asks.</p>
<p>“Another of our trainees is hot for teacher.” Sarah says. “It’s always you. I’m hot too!”</p>
<p>“Of course you are.” Doug says. “They just know you’re unavailable.”</p>
<p>“Winchester is completely unavailable!” </p>
<p>“I am?” </p>
<p>“You know you are. You’re like a fortress surrounded by a moat filled with alligators.” Sarah says matter of factly. </p>
<p>“I’m just busy. I’ve got the job, our poker nights, lots of family obligations. Do you want to see more pictures of the nieces, because I have a lot of new ones. I have a very full life.” Dean states pointing his beer at Sarah.</p>
<p>“I know you do. Oh sweetie, I didn’t mean to strike a nerve.” She says and pats his arm.</p>
<p>“You didn’t.”</p>
<p>“I’m just saying you could have everything you already have and more, if that is even something you want. You know I’m just saying this out of love and completely support you right?” Sarah asks, looking worried.</p>
<p>Dean gets up and kisses her on the top of the head. “I know. I love you too partner. In a completely platonic closed off kind of way. You too Doug.” He kisses Doug on the top of his head too.</p>
<p>Doug smiles. “Thanks man.” </p>
<p>“And right now what I really want is to crush our newbie at pool, and take his money.” </p>
<p>“Dean be nice it’s Christmas!” cries Doug, who has been a victim of Dean’s pool shark ways in the past. Dean just grins, grabs his beer, and heads over to the pool tables. </p>
<p>The night passes quickly. Dean’s mood lightens considerably after winning a few rounds. He shakes off Sarah’s words, and his melancholic mood, and lives in the moment. It’s something he has been working on, and he’s gotten pretty good at it. He even lets Dalbir win a game before teaming up with him to completely destroy Sarah and Doug. He wasn’t lying earlier when he said he has a very full life, he does. It is filled with friends, family and love. If every now and then an old sadness creeps in that’s okay, it’s part of being alive. It’s okay to miss the people that aren’t here. Today was a good day, and if tonight he drifts off to sleep thinking about a certain trench-coated someone, well that’s okay too. When that inescapable Mariah Carey song comes on again, Dean sings along at the top of his lungs.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The Other Side</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A thief meets his fate as Castiel makes a house call.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for all the kind comments and kudos left on my last chapter!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Paul Miller paces outside the gas station. His hand is gripping the gun in his pocket. The cool steel gives him courage. He doesn’t know why he’s hesitating. Oil companies were ravaging the planet and this station was just one in a large chain. It was really the most ethical robbery he could think of, besides a bank, and banks are way too high stakes. Paul just needs a few hundred dollars to keep his bookies at bay. A little time to get a real plan together. He just wasn’t expecting the person behind the counter to be so young. Who puts a teenager on the graveyard shift, all by themselves in the middle of nowhere? This place really had it coming. Paul gathers his courage. He has a plan. Wave the gun around a little, grab the money and get out. Everything would be fine. Maybe the counter kid would even get some paid time off for their trouble. Nobody would get hurt, everybody would get paid. Really it was a victimless crime.</p>
<p>Paul pulls his ski mask down and pushes through the door. He flinches as the bells over the door chime, announcing his presence. The teenager at the counter glances up from their phone and sighs. Paul can barely see their face through the curtain of long dark hair that falls across their face, but he is pretty sure they look annoyed. Paul throws his black duffle bag onto the counter. It faintly smells like old gym socks, even though he had let it air out for a week.</p>
<p>“Gimme..” His voice squeaks. He clears his throat and tries to sound intimidating. “Give me all the money you got!” The teenager rolls their one visible eye and opens the register. “Also,” Paul says, “throw in some scratch tickets.” It really felt like his luck was about to change. </p>
<p>The bells over the door chimes again and a deep voice yells out, “Hey! Drop the gun!”</p>
<p>In Paul’s peripheral vision he can make out a large figure in a trucker hat holding a shotgun. In the split second it takes to assess the situation, Paul makes a choice. He pulls back the hammer of his pistol.</p>
<p>“Don’t make me…” </p>
<p>Before Paul can finish his sentence a loud crack rings out. Time seems to slow down. He knows he is about to be in a lot of pain, but the pain never comes. Instead something grips his shoulder strongly and pulls him back. </p>
<p>Paul looks up into the bluest eyes he has ever seen. The eyes belong to a handsome man in a trench coat. His hand is still resting on Paul’s shoulder. The man is looking at Paul with a mixture of affection and disappointment. His father used to look at him like that. He really hopes this guy is not a cop. </p>
<p>“Thanks for the save pal.” Paul says.</p>
<p>“I’m afraid not.” Says the man who looks from Paul to the floor.</p>
<p>Paul follows his gaze and sees himself lying face down in a pool of blood. There’s a hole where his heart used to be. Paul starts to scream.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Please stop screaming.” Castiel says to the man on his knees in front of him. </p>
<p>Comforting people in their last moments and helping them cross over was usually Castiel’s favourite part of his new duties. However, sometimes death was a messy loud business. Paul curls up in a ball on the floor and starts muttering “no” over and over again. Which was at least quieter. The scene in front of them has settled down. The attendant had placed a cheap plastic table cloth over Paul’s body, and is now comforting their rescuer, who is also sitting on the floor, while telling their story to the 9-1-1 operator. Castiel was impressed. </p>
<p>After a moment Paul pulls himself into a sitting position. “Are you Death?” </p>
<p>“From your understanding, yes. We should go.” Castiel says to his charge.</p>
<p>Paul glances up at him. “Go where? Hell?” </p>
<p>“No…”</p>
<p>“Please, please. I can’t go to hell my mom is very sick.” Paul is on his knees again. </p>
<p>“She is not.” Castiel says, failing to keep exasperation from slipping into his voice.</p>
<p>“No she’s not. But she could be...eventually. Please I didn’t have a choice.”</p>
<p>“Everyone always has a choice.” Castiel says gravely. </p>
<p>Paul stands up. “My gun wasn’t loaded. I wasn’t going to hurt anybody I swear!”</p>
<p>“I know.” Castiel holds out his hand. “It’s time to go.” </p>
<p>After hesitating a moment longer Paul takes it. “Please don’t take me to hell. I can do better. I promise.”</p>
<p>“Don’t worry short stuff, Hell is a very exclusive place these days.” </p>
<p>Castiel steps back from Paul. They are no longer in a gas station but are now standing in the middle of a beautiful atrium. Sunlight shines in through the glass ceiling filtering through the many trees in the room. A waterfall is visible to the west, a rainbow shines in it’s spray. In front of that glass wall a woman lounges on a couch made of vines, grass, and flowers. Castiel smiles to see her. He always feels lighter in the presence of his friend, but today especially it is a relief.</p>
<p>“Hello Meg.”</p>
<p>“Hey Clarence. What did you bring me?”</p>
<p>“Is this heaven?” Paul asks.</p>
<p>“No.” Castiel answers. “This is Paul Miller. 34 years old. A liar, a gambler, and a would be thief. He’s failed at every endeavour he’s ever tried and died trying to hold up a gas station. The register contained one hundred and seventeen dollars, and eighty seven cents."</p>
<p>“Hey there was good stuff too.” Paul protests. </p>
<p>“Once a week he takes his mother out for shopping and dinner, he never misses it. He’s mostly well liked, even by the people who want to kill him. He never passes a homeless person by and always gives them the change in his pocket.” Paul smiles and then Castiel adds, “but never more than a dollar.” His smile fades. </p>
<p>“Nice to meet you Paul.” Meg pats the spot beside her and Paul sits down. </p>
<p>“Are you an angel?” Paul asks her. </p>
<p>Meg throws back her head and lets out a bark of laughter. “God no. I’m here to watch over people like until you’re ready to move onto a more permanent place of residence.”</p>
<p>“There’s no better caretaker for lost souls.” </p>
<p>Meg rolls her eyes at Castiel’s words. Paul looks up and his face contorts in horror. He lets out a blood curdling scream. </p>
<p>“What now.” Castiel says turning around. He’s only slightly surprised to see a velociraptor streaking out of the trees and running straight at them. </p>
<p>“Gabriel!” Castiel and Meg yell in unison.</p>
<p>“You bellowed?” Gabriel says as he appears in front of them. “Oh hey Francine!” He says to the raptor. “Did you get out of your room again.” The raptor comes to a stop in front of him and he scratches her under the chin. “And where’s…” Gabriel looks around and points to a break in the trees. “Gladys! I see you!” Another raptor walks out of the trees and joins them. “Clever girl.” he says and gives her chin scratches too. “Okay time to get you back where you belong.” Gabriel snaps his fingers and the velociraptors disappear. </p>
<p>“Gabriel we need to talk about the dinosaurs.” Castiel says.</p>
<p>“People like dinosaurs!” Gabriel says defensively. </p>
<p>“People don’t like being eaten by dinosaurs.” Castiel says pointing at Paul who is now cowering behind the couch. </p>
<p>“Don’t kink shame little brother.” </p>
<p>Castiel opens his mouth but before he can say anything Gabriel puts his hands up in surrender. “Listen, you put her in charge of looking after the souls in this inbetween place, but you put me in charge of helping them level up. Now I know my ways are unconventional but you always knew that about me, and we’ve had good results, haven’t we Meg?”</p>
<p>Meg sighs. “I can’t deny it. He really knows what makes these former meat bags tick. Gabriel is good at his job.” </p>
<p>“Meg, what have I asked you to call me?”</p>
<p>“I’m not calling you The Architect.”</p>
<p>“The Architect?” Castiel asks.</p>
<p>“Come on bro! I’ve asked you to watch The Good Place like a million times. You told me you put it on your list.”</p>
<p>“I don’t have time to watch television.”</p>
<p>“That’s a lie! You have all of eternity! You just don’t want to watch it without your little…”</p>
<p>“Gabe.” Meg cuts him off with a warning in her voice.</p>
<p>“Fine we won’t talk about him. You there, what’s your name?” Gabriel says to the man who is still quivering behind the couch.</p>
<p>“That’s Paul, our new charge. Not a fan of dinosaurs.” Meg answers. </p>
<p>“No dinosaurs got it.” Gabriel walks over to Paul, pulls him up, and wraps an arm around him. “Come on let's get you settled. We can have a drink and you can tell me all about your likes and dislikes and I’ll figure out how to help you become the best you you can be.”</p>
<p>“O...okay.” Paul lets himself be led away. </p>
<p>Gabriel looks back at Meg. “Just remember he’s not the only angel around here with their heart on their sleeve.”</p>
<p>“Go play with your toys Gabe.” Meg says. </p>
<p>He waggles his eyebrows at her before looking at Castiel. “Love you brother.” He waits.</p>
<p>After a moment, Castiel rolls his eyes. “Love you too.”</p>
<p>Gabriel smiles and snaps his fingers. Both he and Paul disappear. </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Castiel sits beside Meg. The couch is warm and comfortable. It perfectly forms around him, like he’s been sitting in it every day of his life. Which for him is a very long time. Once he is settled, the couch rearranges itself so that the pair are now facing the waterfall. They sit in comfortable silence for a while. The sun begins to set. </p>
<p>“Today was eventful.” Castiel says. </p>
<p>“You’ve got a whole army of Reapers at your disposal, you don’t have to make house calls.” </p>
<p>“I enjoy helping people, some more than others.” Meg laughs as Castiel continues. “Checking in on humanity, bringing people home. It brings me solace.” </p>
<p>“Why do you need solace Castiel? You won.”</p>
<p>He doesn’t answer and watches the sun set instead. Colours streak across the sky but it doesn’t get any darker. He doesn’t know how long they’ve been sitting there.</p>
<p>“Time is a funny thing here. Eternity lasts for a moment, but a moment lasts for eternity.” </p>
<p>“Well if you’re looking to pass some time. I have a few ideas.” Meg says slyly. </p>
<p>Castiel clears his throat. “I care about you a great deal Meg…”</p>
<p>Meg interrupts him with a playful smack on the arm. “I know that Clarence. I’m just teasing you. I mean how’s a girl supposed to compete with a love that rewrote the entire universe.” </p>
<p>“That doesn’t diminish our friendship. I do love you.” He nudges her with his shoulder.</p>
<p>“Shut up, you big softie.” A moment passes before she asks, “have you ever visited him?” </p>
<p>“No. It would be too difficult. To not interfere.” </p>
<p>“Well God is your son, don’t you have a free pass to do whatever?” </p>
<p>“No.” Castiel says firmly. “I will not abuse my power. I did what I set out to do. Humanity has to forge its own path now and I will not mess it up.”</p>
<p>Meg takes his hand and squeezes it. “Castiel, I never thought I could be more than what I was, but then a fallen angel saw something in me worth saving. You helped me unlock parts of myself I thought Hell had burned away permanently. Nothing is written in stone in the world you and Jack have created. If you find a way to get what you want, take it. I want you to be happy.”</p>
<p>Castiel squeezes her hand back. “I am happy, much of the time. As for the rest, I can wait.” </p>
<p>The woman who once was a demon and was now something else sat beside the angel who was also Death (the last in a line of many titles). They both had jobs to do but they sat together until the last bits of colour left the sky and the stars came out. There was time for a break. After all, it only lasted a moment.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The Family Business</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dean Winchester wants everyone to know that he is completely fine.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s Monday afternoon and the bunker is filled with activity. No longer the quiet refuge of the Winchester clan, it is now the home base for any hunter who needs it. There are hunters in every room, researching, eating, grabbing supplies, and sleeping. The place is decorated head to toe with a mishmash of holiday decor brought in by all the people who now consider this their home too. Even the infirmary is filled with Christmas lights, and there is a tree in the corner tipsily leaning to it’s left side. The amount of bulbs and tinsel on the tree invoke a feeling of overindulgence. Dean Winchester sits in front of the tree, frowning, as he stitches up Claire Novak’s upper arm. </p>
<p>“I’m fine.” Claire insists.</p>
<p>Dean only grunts in response. He knows the wound looks worse than it actually is. It’s the what ifs that bother him. Claire has grown up a lot but she could still be reckless. She reminds him too damn much of himself.</p>
<p>“Save the lecture.” </p>
<p>“I’m not lecturing.” Dean glances down at the wide eyed four year old hanging off of his knee, “am I lecturing?”</p>
<p>“Not yet.” Mary Winchester answers. She is intensely watching her uncle’s hands. Fascinated by the delicate work.</p>
<p>“Ha.” Claire responds. </p>
<p>Dean sighs. “You have to be aware of your surroundings. At all times.” </p>
<p>“I was aware of my surroundings which is how I avoided being impaled by the rusty piece of rebar.”</p>
<p>Dean’s hands slow. “That reminds of a dream I had…”</p>
<p>“No! Not the Juggalo vampire dream again! I’ve heard it too many times. The rusty nail and Sam’s dumb wig. It wasn’t like that. I’m fine.” </p>
<p>“It’s how I knew, you know? That it was time to try something new.” Dean finishes the last stitch. He sits back and gives Claire a pointed look. </p>
<p>Claire smiles back at him. “Well old man, I’m still having fun.”</p>
<p>Dean shakes his head and turns to his niece. “Don’t be like your Auntie Claire.”</p>
<p>Mary shakes her mop of blonde hair. “I’m going to be like you Uncle Dean. Helping people, fixing things.”</p>
<p>A soft smile appears on Dean’s face. “The family business,” he says mostly to himself. He applies a bandage over the stitches and then gets up to wash his hands. </p>
<p>Claire puts on a jacket covering her ruined shirt. Mary is on her tiptoes at the sink watching her uncle meticulously scrub his hands. After he finishes she holds her hands up for the soap, Dean has to pick her up so she can reach the water. </p>
<p>Claire approaches the pair, “if or when I decide I’m done with the hunting life or whatever, I know who to talk to.” </p>
<p>Dean shifts Mary onto his left hip and pulls Claire into a side hug. “Day, night, about anything, okay. That goes for both of you. You need me, I'm there.” </p>
<p>“Yeah yeah.” Claire ducks out of the hug. “And you can talk to me too, you know.” She pauses and looks Dean up and down. “You’re okay right?”</p>
<p>“I’m good.”</p>
<p>“Good. Now even though I’m a grown ass woman,  I’m going to go assure all my other parental figures that I’m fine.” Claire pauses at the doorway before leaving. “Thanks for the patch up.” She’s gone before he can respond.</p>
<p>“Uncle Dean?” Mary asks sweetly while looking up at him with a pleading puppy dog expression that she inherited from her father. “Can I have your fortune cookie?” </p>
<p>Dean pretends to consider the request. “I suppose I could let you have it, but I would need you to read me my fortune first.” </p>
<p>He plops her down at the table where his half-eaten lunch is. She grabs the cookie and cracks it open. With a furrowed brow she studies the message that was inside. Dean smiles down at his niece. She reminds him so much of Sammy at that age. Already reading and writing, the whole world at her fingertips. Whatever she wants to achieve in this life she will, and if anyone tries to stop her, well, they’ll have to answer to him.</p>
<p>“W-what was l-l-lost, will be fo-found.” Mary holds up the tiny fortune in triumph. “What was lost, will be found. What does that mean?” </p>
<p>“Maybe it means that my pocket knife that mysteriously disappeared last week will find its way back into my jacket?” </p>
<p>Mary considers this. “Probably not,” she says scooping up the cookie and running out the door.</p>
<p>Dean follows her out, “hey don’t run and eat!” </p>
<p>He chases her to the library where she disappears under the long tables. Sam Winchester turns in time to catch a glimpse of his daughter. His other daughter Lillian is strapped to his chest.</p>
<p>“Mary, I told you no more cookies!” He sighs and looks at Dean.</p>
<p>“What?” Dean asks.</p>
<p>“You can tell her no sometimes it’s good for her. That’s like the 5th cookie she’s scammed today.” </p>
<p>“Well how was I supposed to know that?” Dean tickles the baby’s feet. “Huh, Lily. I’m not psychic.” Lily kicks her feet and gurgles happily. </p>
<p>“Did you ask her how many cookies she’d had?”</p>
<p>“Would she have told me the truth?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know Dean, you’re pretty good at reading people. I’d like to think you could tell if a 4 year old was pulling one over on you.” </p>
<p>“She’s very gifted.” </p>
<p>Sam throws up his hands in frustration. Eileen appears at her husband’s side. She runs a soothing hand down his arm and kisses her daughter.</p>
<p>“Why is your face so grumpy?” she signs. </p>
<p>“My face is not grumpy!” Sam signs back his frown deepening. </p>
<p>“It’s my fault. I gave your daughter a cookie and Scrooge over here thinks it was one too many.” Dean says while signing. </p>
<p>“Come on Sam it’s Christmas,” Eileen says and signs, “besides if Mary throws up or is bouncing off the walls tonight, Dean is babysitting.” </p>
<p>“Oh yeah, have fun.” Sam signs and says with a smile. </p>
<p>Mary bounces up to the group with a shaggy dog close on her heels. The front of her shirt is covered in crumbs and dog slobber. </p>
<p>“I shared with Miracle! It’s okay cause it’s not chocolate.” </p>
<p>Sam kneels down, “good news sweetie, Uncle Dean is going to take you home, clean you up and spend all night with you.” </p>
<p>Mary squeals and throws her arms around Dean’s leg. Crushing some of the crumbs and slobber into his pants. Sam stands up and hands over Lillian. He takes his car keys and slips them into Dean’s pockets removing the keys to the impala. Dean is fine with babysitting, he’s done it many times before, but he assumed he’d be able to stop at his apartment and grab a shower first. Claire hadn’t been the only person he patched up since arriving at the bunker late last night. </p>
<p>“There’s the keys to the minivan and you should probably change Lily before heading out,” Sam says.</p>
<p>Dean sniffs the air and there is definitely a distinctive smell wafting off his youngest niece. She rewards him with a toothless grin. He opens up his mouth to argue but catches Eileen's gaze. </p>
<p>“You’re really helping us out Dean. It’s been crazy around here and we still have some Christmas shopping to do. We’re really grateful.” </p>
<p>Maybe Mary got her puppy eyes from her mother after all. Oh well at least he had grabbed a nap earlier.</p>
<p>“Anything for my favourite sister.” Dean leans over and kisses her on the cheek. “You kids have fun, and don’t worry I’ll even get Mary to eat a vegetable.” </p>
<p>“I eat lots of vegetables!” Mary protests.</p>
<p>“See it’s going great already,” Dean looks at Sam, “don’t dent my car.” </p>
<p>“Don’t dent my kids.” </p>
<p>“Deal.” </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Later that night Dean sits at Sam’s dinner table. Pizza boxes and paper plates are piled up on the counter behind him. There is also a plate of carrot sticks that does appear to have a few sticks missing. Miracle lies on the kitchen floor chewing on pizza crusts. Mary sits beside Dean, colouring a picture. Lily is passed out on Dean’s left shoulder. He rocks back and forth slightly while studying the cards in his right hand. Two pair, aces over fives. He looks up at Doug. Doug’s eyebrow twitches. Dean smiles.</p>
<p>“Doug’s bluffing,” Mary says. </p>
<p>“Hey no table talk!” Doug protests.</p>
<p>“Everyone knows your bluffing babe,” says Sarah.</p>
<p>Dean raises his cards to his forehead, “eyebrow.” </p>
<p>“Damn it!” Doug shouts, throwing his cards.</p>
<p>“You should say darn it,” scolds Mary. </p>
<p>“Darn it,” Doug amends. </p>
<p>“Help me rake in my winnings,” Dean says to Mary.</p>
<p>Mary stands on her chair and helps Dean gather up his chips. </p>
<p>“I don’t think poker is appropriate for children,” says Doug.</p>
<p>“There’s math, matching, human psychology, all important life lessons. Don’t be a sore loser,” Dean says. </p>
<p>Doug crosses his arms and sulks. </p>
<p>“Losing isn’t fun. Do you want a candy cane?” Mary asks. </p>
<p>“Yes please.” Doug answers. </p>
<p>Mary runs to the living room and comes back with two candy canes. One for Doug, and one for her. Dean gives her a look. </p>
<p>“Please?” </p>
<p>“Fine, but after that no more sweets.” </p>
<p>Mary settles back in with her crayons, a candy cane hanging from her mouth. </p>
<p>“Who’s deal is it?” Dean asks.</p>
<p>Sarah yawns, Doug looks suddenly very interested in his candy cane, and Dalbir looks down at his hands. </p>
<p>“Don’t tell me I drained you guys already.” </p>
<p>“Dalbir needs his pocket money so he can flirt with the cute coffee boy who works at the Starbucks across the street from the hospital,” Sarah teases. </p>
<p>Dalbir’s cheeks darken. “We maybe have a date,” he mutters. </p>
<p>“You finally asked him out!” says Sarah.</p>
<p>“He wrote his number on my cup,” </p>
<p>“Nice, smooth,” says Dean. </p>
<p>“I asked him out for coffee! That’s his job! On Wednesday which I didn’t realize was Christmas eve! I don’t even celebrate Christmas but now I’m trapped in a bad Hallmark movie and there’s all this pressure. I’m going to blow it.” Dalbir buries his head in his hands. </p>
<p>“Hey, hey relax. He likes you. Don’t overthink it. Hold his hand, tell him he looks nice. You’ll be fine. He probably thinks it’s adorable that you asked him out for coffee.” says Dean. </p>
<p>“You think?” </p>
<p>“I know.”</p>
<p>“Mistletoe is a very important Christmas thing,” Mary says seriously, “if you find some he’ll have to kiss you.” </p>
<p>“There you go, when in doubt find some mistletoe,” says Dean. </p>
<p>Sarah looks over at Mary’s drawing. “Is that a Christmas angel?” </p>
<p>Mary grins and holds up her drawing. It kind of looks like a triangle with a circle on top but if you knew what you were looking at you could tell it was an angel. An angel with dark hair and blue eyes and big black wings. </p>
<p>“This is my Uncle Cas!” Mary says excitedly. “He was Daddy and Uncle Dean’s bestest friend in the whole wide world. My Daddy told me all about him.”</p>
<p>Sarah looks from the drawing to Dean, a concerned look on her face. </p>
<p>“Cas? I haven’t heard that name since the great margarita massacre of 22.” Doug says. Sarah elbows him in the gut. </p>
<p>Dean stands up, “I have to put Lily down,” he mumbles. </p>
<p>He quickly climbs the stairs to the second floor. He lays Lily down in her crib. She stirs for a moment before settling back down. He watches her sleep and waits for his heart to slow down. Dean doesn’t understand why he’s reacting this way. It’s been years, and missing Cas is just second nature at this point. He just had never heard Mary talk about him before and was caught off guard that’s all. There’s a soft noise behind him and Dean turns around to see Mary hovering in the doorway.</p>
<p>“Are you mad at me?” she asks softly. </p>
<p>All the air leaves Dean’s lungs in a rush. He gets down on one knee in front of his niece who is looking up at him with sadness and a bit of fear. It’s a look he recognizes. A look that says something is broken and it must be my fault. </p>
<p>“Oh no sweetheart. I’m not mad at you. Did I look mad?” </p>
<p>Mary nods. </p>
<p>“Well I’m not mad, I promise.” Dean crosses his heart with his hand. “Sometimes when you miss someone a whole lot it can hurt to talk about them, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. I want you to know all about your Uncle Cas okay? You ask me about him whenever you want. My stories are way better than your dad’s.”</p>
<p>“But I don’t want to hurt you.” </p>
<p>“It’s hard to explain but it’s not a bad hurt. I think it would be good for me to tell you about him. I think it would help.”</p>
<p>Mary thinks it over for a moment. “Help your heart?” she asks. </p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>“Okay, I can do that.” </p>
<p>“Do you know what would really help? If I could have that pretty picture you drew.” </p>
<p>Mary lights up. “Of course silly! I made it for you.” She throws her arms around Dean’s neck. “I love you Uncle Dean.” </p>
<p>Dean wraps his arms around Mary. “I love you too.” </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Dean is sitting in a chair in the living room. The house is dark besides the side table lamp that’s illuminating the spot where Dean sits. In his hands are two pictures. One the drawing Mary drew, the other a faded picture of Castiel in a cowboy hat. Worn from years of living in Dean’s wallet. That might have been the best damn day of Dean’s life and he should have...well he should have done a lot of things. Headlights illuminate the living room. Dean wipes his face and looks at Mary passed out on top of Miracle underneath the Christmas tree, with a second candy cane still grasped in her fist. It’s too late to move her to her room and he probably hadn’t done a great job of cleaning up the kitchen. He can hear Sam and Eileen trying to be quiet as they enter the house. They are smiling as they walk in the living room.</p>
<p>“Hey Dean, don’t worry about…” but whatever Sam is going to say dies as he sees the look on his brother's face. </p>
<p>Damn, Dean really wishes he had better control of his face tonight. </p>
<p>“Good night?” Dean asks.</p>
<p>“Yeah very good. I’m going to put Mary to bed,” Eileen says. </p>
<p>She squeezes Dean’s shoulder as she passes him. After scooping Mary up she pauses so Sam can kiss Mary’s head. Eileen looks at Sam and nods back to Dean before heading up the stairs. Sam momentarily disappears into the kitchen before returning to the living room with two beers. He hands Dean a bottle and looks down at the pictures Dean has in his other hand.</p>
<p>“So, Uncle Cas,” Dean says. </p>
<p>“Yeah. I want the girls to know about him, and Jack, our whole family.” </p>
<p>“Me too. I just could have used some warning that’s all.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t,” Sam pauses, “I don’t know how to talk to you about him. Every time I try you change the subject or leave the room, and it always looks like I punched you in the gut.” </p>
<p>“I’m working on the face thing,” Dean says.</p>
<p>“Don’t you want to talk about him Dean? He was your…” Sam waits for Dean to finish.</p>
<p>“My best friend.” </p>
<p>“Sure.” </p>
<p>“It’s hard Sammy. I think I’m doing okay, and maybe I am. Maybe I’m not. I don’t know. It’s just hard. You got Eileen back and I am happy for you, don’t think I’m not. I’m so grateful to have her in our lives, to be a part of the family you both have made, it’s just…”</p>
<p>“You didn’t get Cas back.” Dean takes a long swig of his beer and Sam waits before asking him the one thing he hasn’t dared to. “Have you ever, have you ever prayed to him?” </p>
<p>“No,” Dean shakes his head and stares at his beer, “no, I haven’t figured out a way to do it that’s not just begging him to come back.” </p>
<p>“Dean, would that be such a bad thing?”</p>
<p>“Sam, he gave up everything for us, for me. Everything. Now he’s in heaven with Jack and he’s good. And I’m going to what? Ask him to give it all up, again. No. Not after everything he did for me. I’m going to do the one thing I can for him, and let him go.”</p>
<p>“How do you know that’s what he wants?”</p>
<p>“Because he’s not here. He got a second chance to be the angel he was always supposed to be and he took it, and I’m going to honour that choice.”</p>
<p>“Dean…”</p>
<p>“Do you mind if I crash in the guest room tonight?” </p>
<p>“You know you can stay any time.” </p>
<p>Dean gives Sam’s leg a friendly slap and heads up to bed. </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Sam walks through his house checking the doors and windows. He does this sometimes. Not as much as he used to. His house is warded after all. Plus they are starting to make real headway against the things that go bump in the night. Being able to coordinate with hunters all across the world not being held back by a puppeteer pulling their strings, the tide was actually turning in their favour. His operation was making a real difference. Still there was a part of Sam that would always worry that one day he would look into one of his daughters’ rooms and there would be something there that wasn’t supposed to be. Not tonight though. Tonight his daughters slept deeply and peacefully. He rubbed their backs and fixed their blankets. His heart felt full. He didn’t know what he’d done to get so lucky. He checked in on his brother too. Dean’s blanket was half on the floor and it was clear that he had had a tough time falling asleep. Sam wouldn’t fix his blanket, thanks to being on guard their whole lives neither of them were heavy sleepers. Sam wouldn’t disturb the sleep he had worked so hard to get. He was about to move on when Sam saw it peeking out from under Dean’s pillow, the corner of an old trench coat, and his heart broke a little.</p>
<p>Sam crept back to his room. He kissed Eileen lightly, not waking her. Kneeling down by his side of the bed, Sam considered praying to Cas but it didn’t feel right. Not with how dead set Dean seemed against it. However, there was someone Sam talked to regularly, and it didn’t feel wrong to talk to him about two of the people that they cared about the most.</p>
<p>“Hey Jack, It’s me Sam.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Tell Me What You Want</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Castiel visits heaven to spread some Christmas cheer, but even among friends he is haunted by a loneliness that he can't shake.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Harvelle’s Roadhouse is packed. Once a haven for hunters on earth it is now a haven for hunters in heaven. Even people who have never been here in life find their way here in the after life. It is a place to share a story and a drink, a place for souls who walked a similar path to connect. A feeling of warmth and camaraderie wraps around those who walk through the door. There have been many times Castiel has sat outside the Roadhouse listening to the music and laughter from within, unable to bring himself to go inside. However, more often than not he finds himself where he is now, in a corner with his friends. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The noise of the rest of the bar doesn't seem to reach them here. Ash and Kevin Tran are facing off over a black and white checkerboard, moving little pieces around. Castiel had never wrapped his head around chess. To him it is a complete waste of mental energy with very few real world tactical implications, but it would be rude to bring that up so he watches silently. Cas glances over at Jo Harvelle who is standing behind Ash with her arms crossed staring into the middle distance. At least he isn’t alone in his disinterest. From what Castiel can tell, Kevin seems to be on the defensive. He moves his queen backwards and Ash takes his rook. Charlie Bradbury grabs Castiel’s arm and squeezes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Geller’s Rook and Pawn Endgame!” she whispers in Cas’s ear.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hmmm,” Cas responds. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This does appear to be the turning point in the match. Kevin is now moving his pieces confidently with a small smirk on his face and Ash is on the one back on his heels. Eventually Ash thrusts his hand forwards.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You got me. I resign.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kevin grins as they shake hands. Charlie claps and Castiel and Jo follow her lead. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel clears his throat, “Good game, that was uh…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thrilling!” Charlie answers for him. “I didn’t think he’d go for the rook with your pawn right there ready to be promoted but he did!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah that was wild,” Jo offers. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It was.” Charlie agrees. “A direct shot right down his exhaust port.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah, even a Grandmaster can have an off day,” says Ash. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“An off day ‘Grandmaster?’ Just admit that I crushed you,” Kevin shoots back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You played well.” Ash admits. “Good practice for when I finally find and defeat Bobby Fischer.” Ash pulls out his laptop, “speaking of, Cas can you do me a solid and tell me the date on Earth. It will really help me triangulate my results.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“December 24th, 2025,” Castiel answers. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s Christmas Eve! You know I don’t think we’ve had a Christmas since I’ve been here. Lights, snow, snuggling up to a special someone beside the fireplace with hot cocoa. I miss it.” Charlie says wistfully. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah it’s too bad Gabriel isn’t here,” Jo says with a sideways glance towards Castiel, “he could snap his fingers and have this whole place decked out in no time.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Gabriel? I am the angel of death, I helped rebuild heaven from the ground up. Archangel or not, currently I am far more powerful than my brother.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jo grins at Cas triumphantly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Although,” Cas adds, “he might not have fallen for that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure he would have,” Jo playfully punches Cas on the shoulder, “he’s a big showoff too.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I am not a showoff.” Cas snaps his fingers and the Roadhouse is transformed into a Christmas wonderland. Garland runs along the bar and around all the tables. A fireplace with a roaring fire appears on the left wall, full stockings hanging from it’s mantle. There is a hot chocolate cart beside the fireplace, stocked with marshmallows, whip cream, and any treat a human could want. The center of the Roadhouse has expanded to include a large dance floor. In the center of the dance floor stands a large Christmas tree decked to the nines. Outside the windows snow begins to fall. Castiel smiles, “I am just confident in my abilities.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Charlie gives Cas a big hug. The other patrons seem unperturbed at the sudden change in their surroundings. Ellen Harvelle pulls her husband Bill onto the dance floor, they are joined by a group of people. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Cas, how in the hell am I supposed to keep kicking Rufus’s ass with this thing?” Bobby Singer holds up his pool cue which has been transformed into a giant candy cane. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh uh, my apologies.” Castiel snaps his fingers again. The pool cue returns to its normal shape but keeps it’s swirling candy cane design. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Now wait just a minute. I'm about to make my comeback.” says Rufus.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The pool balls which had been stripes vs solids are now little hedgehogs in Santa hats vs little guinea pigs with reindeer antlers. One of Rufus’s hedgehogs curls up and rolls into the side pocket. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Cas!” Bobby yells.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas snaps his fingers again and the balls return to their natural state.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Still counts.” Rufus says.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ash is the only one who seems unaware of the change in his surroundings and is still tapping away on his keyboard. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What makes you think Fischer is in heaven anyway? He was a giant sexist, anti-semtic, douche.” Charlie says, returning her attention to Ash. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ash looks up, “oh I’m not just searching heaven, hell, purgatory, that new middle place, leaving no stone unturned.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And if he’s in hell, you guys are what? Going to break in and challenge demon Bobby Fischer to a chess match?” Jo asks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, no way. There is no way in hell I’m returning to hell.” replies Kevin. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Now don’t worry my little eternal second, I won’t lead you to damnation. Trust me I have a plan.” Ash says flicking his hair back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Little second? I just kicked your ass dude. Maybe it should be me challenging demon Bobby Fischer.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Now don’t get cocky kid, do you want a rematch right now?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No.” Charlie interrupts shoving Ash out of his chair. “I play winner, remember? Keep it in your pants boys.” Charlie looks down at the board, and then back up at Cas with a little frown on her face. “Are you sure the pieces shouldn’t be cute little animals too?” she asks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Queen to E4.” Cas says in a commanding voice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The queen moves on her own accord and then unsheathes a tiny sword at her side. She seems to wait in a defensive position.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wizards chess! Yes!” Charlie exclaims.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Castiel, I would like to make a formal complaint about being trapped in nerd heaven.” Jo says.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel squints at her. “There is no separate nerd heaven,” he replies.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I thought you were getting a better handle on the whole humour thing.” says Jo.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It comes and goes.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh well,” Jo looks at Charlie, “at least there’s a nice view here.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know right. Look how cool these little guys are.” Charlie says while gesturing at the chess set. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jo rolls her eyes, “I’m going to go get a drink.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After Jo leaves Castiel leans towards Charlie, “I think you missed out on a flirtation.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What! When? Nerd heaven, nice view. Wait, am I the nice view?” Cas nods at her. “Darn it, heaven has totally thrown me off my game.” Charlie looks down at the chess set and then up at where Jo is leaning against the bar. Charlie stands up. “Okay next game I’m totally playing winner for real, come find me. Unless it looks like I don’t want to be found and then don’t. Use your best judgement.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As Charlie squares her shoulders and saunters over to the bar, Ash retakes his seat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well saddle up buckaroo it looks like it’s just you and me.” Ash says to Kevin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Bring it on,” he answers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel suddenly feels out of place. He knows he can go over to Bobby and strike up a conversation, but as he looks around at the joy and camaraderie around him he feels a familiar pang of loneliness that often overcomes him here. Instead, Castiel makes his way onto the porch. He sits in a chair and watches the snow fall. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel doesn’t know how long he has been sitting there thinking about the people, the person, who is not here when a voice interrupts his thoughts.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey Castiel.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel looks up and sees Mary Winchester bathed in the soft glow of a street light. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Join me for a walk?” Mary asks </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you sure you don’t want to go inside?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nah, I’m here to see you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel joins Mary. They walk past the Roadhouse into a pinewood forest. There is a path wide enough for two people. Moonlight reflects off of the snow illuminating the winter scene. It is cold but the cold doesn’t penetrate. Snowflakes drift down. The only sound in the forest is the crunching of Mary and Castiel's footsteps. Mary links her arm with Castiel’s as they walk in a comfortable silence. He breathes in and out deeply letting the peace of the evening wash over him. Eventually the forest opens up to a clearing with a river flowing through it. A Grizzly bear stands on a rock in the middle of the river, dipping its paw in trying to catch the salmon jumping in the water. The bear pays them no notice. A salmon launches itself out of the river at Castiel’s feet. He picks up the fish and throws it back in. A voice echoes in his mind, </span>
  <em>
    <span>don’t step on that fish Castiel</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So,” Mary says breaking into his thoughts once again, “how’s John?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel brings himself back to the present. “John? He’s well. Still working through some things.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Not many souls had chosen to leave heaven since the restructuring but they had needed volunteers to help them with the middle place, as Gabriel insisted on calling it, that they had created. John Winchester was the first to volunteer. Castiel could judge him for a lot of things. John had caused a lot of pain to the person Castiel loved the most, but he also understood the need to atone for one’s past mistakes and he wouldn’t deny that to anyone who truly desired it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes well if you thought my boys were stubborn, you have no idea.” Mary smiles at Castiel and he smiles back. “Speaking of my boys, how are they?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas’s smile falters. “From what I hear, they are also doing well. Sam has a family of his own, is coordinating hunters all over the world, and is working on his law degree in his spare time. Dean is a paramedic, he has saved many lives.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mary shakes her head. “I know the facts Cas. I meant how </span>
  <em>
    <span>are</span>
  </em>
  <span> they?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I, I don’t know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why don’t you know? Why haven’t you visited?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can’t Mary. I can’t just pop in and out. I’ve never been able to choose anything over your boys. I can’t be there and here, it wouldn’t work.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mary places a hand on his arm, “how do you know if you don’t try.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I did try. I tried, and I tried, and I failed. You should understand that more than most people.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You didn’t fail me Castiel.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes I did. I failed you just like I failed so many others. But, in the end I got it right. I helped save the world. I sacrificed myself so that Dean could have the life that he deserves.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why do you think my son deserves a life without you in it?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel closes his eyes and clenches his jaw. He doesn’t understand why Mary is doing this. Can’t she see how much this costs him. He was restless, always. He kept himself moving between realms, never staying in one place. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The words wrench themselves free from Castiel’s chest. “Don’t you understand how hard this is for me? Every millisecond of eternity I have to actively fight against the pull to return to his side. There is no peace for me, anywhere.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I see that every time I look at you Cas. I just don’t understand why you are torturing yourself.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Because,” Castiel looks at Mary helplessly, “because.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Because what if you show up and wreck everything? What if he’s better off without you?” Mary grabs him tight with both hands. “I know how that feels. When I showed up back in their lives it was hard, and complicated and wonderful. I cherish every second I had with my boys, I wouldn’t trade that borrowed time for anything. But I’m also content. It feels like no time has passed since I last saw them and any minute now they’ll come walking through my door. The only thing worrying me now is how sad you are, and how lonely I know Dean must be.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can’t. I can’t be in two places at once.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Who says you have to be?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel turns his head towards the new voice and sees Jack watching them from the tree line. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why do I suddenly feel ganged up on?” Castiel asks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jack raises his hands as he approaches, “I come in peace.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel pulls himself away from Mary and returns to watching the river. She stays by his side and Jack joins them on Castiel’s other side. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know, you never told me what it was like, meeting Dean for the first time.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel looks at Jack confused, “what hell was like? Well, it was hell.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jack smiles, “humour me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Every kid wants to know how their parents met, even God.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel takes a deep breath, “The other angels and I, we thought we were on a rescue mission. We laid siege to hell, our hearts filled with righteousness. Demons surrounded us on all sides. There was so much pain and suffering. I had often wondered what hell was like but to experience it...It was overwhelming to be among so many lost souls. The fighting seemed endless. Eventually there was a break in their ranks, an opening, and I saw him. Corrupted and broken but not completely. In spite of everything, a part of his soul remained intact. There was still a core of humanity that shone through. And I thought how strange, how strange it was to find something so beautiful here in the pits of hell. I was lost before I laid a single hand on him." Castiel smiles to himself, "I was found."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jack lays a hand on Castiel’s shoulder, “what are you still doing here?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you mean? What would you have me do?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not about me Cas. I’m okay. I knew when I pulled you out of the Empty that I wouldn’t have you by my side forever. I’ve been waiting for you to come to me, but instead you’re running, Why?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel looks down, “he hasn’t prayed to me, not once.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And yet you feel this nonstop pull to go to his side. Not every prayer is out loud Castiel. You know this.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Castiel did know this, and yet he hadn’t considered that the pull he felt was actually a call. He hadn’t let himself consider it. He feels Mary slip her hand into his. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What about my responsibilities?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Like I said I knew this arrangement was only temporary. I have a plan. I’m good. What I want is for you to be good too. I want you to be happy Cas, and I don’t think your happiness is here. Please tell me what </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> want.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He had happiness once. One perfect moment where he let himself feel everything he had always denied himself. Even then he knew it would be a fleeting moment but still it had been enough. Castiel had sacrificed everything for the man he loved, and he had thought that was what he had been made for, but maybe he was wrong. It wasn’t the sacrifice that was important, it was everything before that. Every glance, every touch, every time they had broken apart and come back together. Him and Dean, they were a mess, a great big imperfect mess. Castiel knows he can keep running, keep trying to preserve that one perfect moment, honour his sacrifice, but that is not what he wants.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I want to go home.” </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm going to try super hard to finish this by Christmas, but it might be a few days after. Thanks everyone who has read, commented and left kudos!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Please Come Home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dean is heading out for dinner when receives a call from Jody asking him to check in on the O'Leary farm. Mr. O'Leary claims there are strange sounds coming from his barn, but what could be waiting for Dean Winchester in an old barn on Christmas Eve...</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Usually a green Christmas is to be expected in Kansas, but this Christmas Eve the snow is starting to fall. Dean curses as he slips on an icy patch. He catches himself on the Impala’s trunk. His arms are loaded down with presents and tins filled with homemade baked goods. He awkwardly pulls himself up by his elbows, and then juggles his stash until he is able to free his keys from his pocket. After some maneuvering he gets everything into the trunk and is ready to get on the road. He smooths his jacket and adjusts his sweater. The front of his sweater is adorned with a large Christmas tree decorated with big red bows, scrunchy silver balls, gold jingle bells, and lights that light up. If anyone asks he tells them he’s wearing it because his niece picked it out, but really he loved the ugly thing. As he slides behind the steering wheel his phone begins to ring. He pulls it out and sees Jody on the call display.</p>
<p>“Hey Jody, I’m hitting the road now.”</p>
<p>“Glad I caught you. Would you mind swinging by the O’Leary farm on your way? The old man called and is complaining about strange noises coming from the barn.”</p>
<p>“You know I don’t do cases anymore.”</p>
<p>“I know, this is strictly recon, and between you and me I doubt it’s anything. Ever since we took care of his little ghost problem he’s called us for all sorts of things. Last strange noise was his furnace giving out. I think he’s just lonely.”</p>
<p>Dean sighs. “Just recon?”</p>
<p>“That’s it. On the off chance that it’s something call back and we’ll send someone out. I just want to give him some peace of mind, being Christmas and all.”</p>
<p>“Fine, don’t start dinner without me.”</p>
<p>“Wouldn’t dream of it. You’re a lifesaver!”</p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah, it’s in the job description.” Dean hangs up the phone and starts to drive.</p>
<p>It’s slow going in the snow but Dean doesn’t mind. After a 12 hour shift and then rushing to get ready for dinner he was grateful for a moment of peace. Just him and his car, and Mariah Carey for company. When he saw the tape of <em> Merry Christmas </em> in the window of a local thrift store he knew it was fate, and really it kinda rocks. He unabashedly sings along to every song. </p>
<p>  As Dean pulls up to the O’Leary farm he is on the second playthrough of the album. There are no lights on in the house. He hopes the old guy isn’t holed up in the dark. Dean eases the Impala down the snowy drive, his headlights illuminating the way. The barn comes into view, a dark outline against the evening sky. He stops in front of it. Nothing seems amiss from the outside. He takes in the view and the memories hit. Memories of a different barn, on a different night, a long time ago. </p>
<p>“Shit,” he mutters to himself.</p>
<p>He rests his head on the steering wheel trying to stop the memories from coming. Even a simple recon mission could go wrong if his head is somewhere else. Dean closes his eyes  and tries to clear his head, but all he sees is Cas. Cas walking towards him, sparks literally flying. How had Dean not known how screwed he was? He had never admitted it, but he had been terrified that night. Scared of something that could walk past every ward he and Bobby knew and survive Ruby’s knife sure, but terrified of this celestial being who seemed to know him, who could see right through him. </p>
<p>
  <em> You don’t think you deserve to be saved. </em>
</p>
<p>“You saved me anyway you stubborn idiot.” The words come out before he can stop them.</p>
<p>Dean can feel tears building up at the corner of his eyes, and he suddenly feels exhausted. Every single day he has to stop himself from talking to Cas. There are the big things like when Mary took her first steps, or when he graduated from his Paramedic program early and at the top of his class. There were the stupid little things like when he found that really good burger joint near the hospital, or this morning when he won three dollars on the scratch ticket he got from Doug for Christmas. Dean just wants to tell Cas about his day.</p>
<p>Dean takes a deep breath. He could do that right? Say hello and tell him how he’s doing. It was Christmas after all, the perfect time to reach out to old friends. Yes he desperately, selfishly, wants Cas here, but if there was one thing Dean Winchester is good at it’s burying his true feelings deep down. Dean wipes his eyes and takes a few steadying breaths. He brings his hands together and closes his eyes.</p>
<p>“Cas…”</p>
<p>The barn doors blow open with a loud crash. Dean startles and opens his eyes. The peaceful evening has been transformed. An angry wind has picked up. Snow is swirling, the trees are swaying and the barn looks like it is under attack. The shutters are banging against the sides, and shingles are being torn free from the roof. A streak of lightning cuts through the sky and hits the barn, followed by a loud boom of thunder. Before Dean can think about what he’s doing, he is out of Impala and running towards the barn’s entrance. He slips a few times in the snow but he stays on his feet. As Dean approaches the open barn doors he realizes that he left the car running and that he doesn’t have a weapon on him. However, he doesn’t turn back. Because in the middle of the barn Dean can make out the silhouette of a man. The silhouette of a man wearing a long trench coat.</p>
<p>Dean approaches slowly. The man has his back to him and appears to be studying his hands. Turning them over and examining them, as if they were new. The wind has stilled and the night is quiet once more. The only sounds Dean can hear are the engine of the Impala and the beating of his own heart. Dean stops a few feet away from the man, barely daring to hope. As if sensing him the man turns and blue eyes meet green.</p>
<p>“Cas?” Dean lets out with a gasp.</p>
<p>“Hello Dean.” </p>
<p>They stare at each other for a moment before Dean closes the distance between them and wraps his arms around Cas pulling him into a hug. Dean then pulls back, and brings his hands to Cas’s face, cradling it as he stares some more. </p>
<p>“Cas?”</p>
<p>“Dean. It’s me.”</p>
<p>“H-how, what, what are you doing here? Where have you been?”</p>
<p>“I’m here to see you,” Cas glances upwards, “I’ve been, well, everywhere.” </p>
<p>Dean’s hands drop. “Everywhere but here. You didn’t visit.”</p>
<p>Cas looks back at him, “you didn’t call.” </p>
<p>Neither one speaks for a minute. Cas looks down at the ground and sighs. </p>
<p>“I didn’t, I didn’t want to intrude on the life you have built for yourself.” </p>
<p>Dean gives Cas a look of surprise, “yeah well I didn’t want to screw up whatever you had going on either.” </p>
<p>Cas looks up at him with a small smile on his face. “I guess we’re still just a couple of dumbasses.”</p>
<p>Dean grins, “all dumb, all ass.”</p>
<p>Dean tentatively touches the lapel of Cas’s trench coat. He rubs the fabric between his finger and thumb. </p>
<p>“I missed you Dean.”</p>
<p>“I missed you too man. You have no idea.” Dean gives Castiel a once over. “You look good. How long can you stay? Is this like a Christmas thing, you disappear at midnight, or are you here for a reason? Are you going to It's a Wonderful Life me or something.” Dean’s eyes rove up and down taking all of Cas in. “I’m sorry, I’m rambling.” </p>
<p>Cas fixes him with a serious look, “I’m here until I die.”</p>
<p>Dean stills, “what?” </p>
<p>“I have been trying, trying to get it right this time. It’s easier with Jack in charge, but still I didn’t feel like I was home. I wandered. Earth, Heaven, everywhere, never able to stay still for long--” Cas looks at Dean, his eyes shining “--all I wanted was to be here with you. Jack offered me a choice I could keep trying, keep moving, or I could have one human life. I chose life. I chose you.” </p>
<p>Dean feels his breath catch in his throat. Cas is once again giving up everything for him. He doesn’t know how to accept that. All he wants is to accept it. When he opens his mouth he doesn’t know what’s going to come out.</p>
<p>“Are you sure?” </p>
<p>Cas tilts his head and squints at Dean. “Of you? Dean Winchester, you are the one thing I have always been sure of. But...if this is too much for you, or not what you want…” Cas attempts to take a step back, but Dean grabs onto the trenchcoat holding him in place.</p>
<p>“No, no, no, hey, Cas I didn’t say that.” Dean takes a deep breath.</p>
<p> <em>Well it’s now or never</em>.</p>
<p>“Cas, I have been dreaming about you, thinking about you, living my life for you, for five years. It took me a long time to accept that you loved me, too long. You saved me. You know that? Your love, it saved me, in every way a person can be saved. And if you want to stay here with me, keep saving me, I’m not going to stop you.” Cas smiles and Dean feels the last piece of emotional armour he’s been holding onto fall away. He brings his hands back up to Cas’s face and stares deeply into his eyes, “I love you too.” </p>
<p>“I’ve always hoped you did.” </p>
<p>“Of course I did, I do. Loving you has been one of the most true things in my life. I’m sorry I didn’t know how to say it before, or how to show it. If you let me I’ll spend the rest of our lives making up for it.”</p>
<p>Dean pulls Cas’s face to his. It’s a kiss that he has been waiting for for five years, almost twenty years, hell all of existence has been building up to this one kiss. Dean feels like he’s being torn apart and put together at the same time. Every feeling he has ever denied himself surges forward. It is overwhelming. It is almost too much, but Cas is there holding onto him, kissing him back. Instead of drowning Dean is flying. He is safe. He is home.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Donna Hanscum carries the bowl of mashed potatoes out of the bunker’s kitchen to the library where the tables are covered in a Christmas feast. The library is filled with hunters and their families. Jody Mills grabs the bowl out of her wife’s hands and kisses her on the cheek.</p>
<p>“Hey, I just had the weirdest call from Dean,” Jody says. “He said I sent him to the O’Leary farm, and that everything is fine in the barn. No idea what he is talking about.” </p>
<p>“Isn’t Mr. O’Leary in Florida with his new girlfriend?” Donna asks.</p>
<p>“Yeah. Dean also said he found someone in the barn and is bringing them to dinner.”</p>
<p>“He met someone in an abandoned barn?” </p>
<p>Jody shrugs, “he seemed really excited about it. Anyway they’ll be here soon.”</p>
<p>Sam enters the library carrying a huge turkey, “who’ll be here.” </p>
<p>“Dean and whoever he found in an old barn,” Donna answers. </p>
<p>Sam drops the turkey on the table with a thud. He grabs hold of a chair to steady himself. Eileen catches his eye.</p>
<p>“What is it?” she signs. </p>
<p>“Probably nothing,” he signs back.</p>
<p>Sam stays where he is, not taking his eyes off of the library entrance. Claire enters holding hands with her girlfriend Kaia. She looks at Sam standing tensely. </p>
<p>“Why are you being weird?” she asks him. </p>
<p>“I’m not being weird. I’m just waiting for Dean.”</p>
<p>“Weirdly.” </p>
<p>Kaia pulls on her hand, “come on Claire leave him alone. Let him wait weirdly for his brother in peace.” Kaia leads her to their table. </p>
<p>Sam hears movement on the stairs and looks to see Dean coming down. Dean grins as he sees his brother. </p>
<p>“Hey Sammy, Merry Christmas!” </p>
<p>“Merry Christmas,” Sam says back. </p>
<p>He cranes his neck trying to see past Dean. The person behind Dean comes into view. Sam walks towards the entrance, pushing past his brother.</p>
<p>“Okay,” Dean says with a laugh. </p>
<p>Sam reaches Castiel and throws his arms around him, pulling him into a crushing hug.</p>
<p>“Cas it’s so good to see you!”</p>
<p>“I can’t breathe,” Cas says in a muffled voice.</p>
<p>Sam loosens his grip, “oh, sorry.”</p>
<p>Cas looks up at him, “it’s good to see you too.”</p>
<p>Claire shoves Sam out of the way and punches Castiel in the shoulder. Cas smiles at her and opens his arms.</p>
<p>“Claire. I’ve missed you.”</p>
<p>Claire hesitates but then throws herself into the hug, “took you long enough to get here.” </p>
<p>There is a crowd starting form.</p>
<p>“Hey let the man get in the door!” Dean shouts. </p>
<p>Claire leads Cas into the library, where everybody gets their turn to welcome him back. Sam feels a tug on his hand and looks down to see his daughter Mary staring at him with wide eyes. He picks her up.</p>
<p>“Hey there princess.” </p>
<p>“Daddy, who is that?”</p>
<p>“That’s your Uncle Cas.” </p>
<p>Mary looks confused. Sam carries her over to him. </p>
<p>“Cas I want you to meet my daughter, Mary.” </p>
<p>Cas smiles at her, “hello Mary. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” </p>
<p>“Your Uncle Cas?”</p>
<p>“Yes, I suppose I am.” </p>
<p>Mary leans forward and asks in a quiet voice, “what happened to your wings?”</p>
<p>“Oh my wings. Well I had to give them up so I could stay here with all of you.” </p>
<p>Sam looks to Dean who nods in confirmation. Mary holds her arms out to Cas and Sam passes her over. She hugs Cas around the neck. </p>
<p>“Do you miss your wings?”</p>
<p>“Only a little.”</p>
<p>“I can make you new ones if you want.”</p>
<p>“That would be amazing, I’d love nothing better.” </p>
<p>Mary pulls back and grins, “I want to sit next to Uncle Cas.”</p>
<p>“What about me?” Dean asks.</p>
<p>“You can sit on his other side,” Mary says.</p>
<p>“Unbelievable, you’re here for five minutes and you're the new favourite.” Dean says to Cas. </p>
<p>Sam wraps an arm around his brother’s shoulder, “don’t worry you’ll always be her favourite.”</p>
<p>Sam, Eileen, Dean, Cas, and the kids get settled at the head table. Cas reaches out and touches the initials and names engraved there, a wistful smile on his face. </p>
<p>“How is everyone?” Sam asks.</p>
<p>“They’re good. Jack, well Jack is amazing. As for Mary, she said the only thing disturbing her eternal peace was us,” Cas says gesturing between himself and Dean.</p>
<p>Sam smirks.</p>
<p>“Got hit with the motherly guilt trip huh? Nice. Well she’s got nothing to worry about now.” Dean says and winks at Cas. </p>
<p>Cas pulls his hand back and Dean takes it. Sam looks down with wonder.</p>
<p>“Your holding hands.”</p>
<p>“Do you have a problem with that?” Dean asks.</p>
<p>“No, of course not! When I prayed to Jack…”</p>
<p>“You prayed to Jack? About Me and Cas?” Dean asks.</p>
<p>“Well yeah, you wouldn’t talk about it and…”</p>
<p>“And what? You thought you would just stick your nose in? We would have figured it out on our own in what, five more years?” Dean asks Cas.</p>
<p>“Ten more at most.”</p>
<p>“See ten years tops. Don’t know why everyone had their panties in a twist.” Dean lightly kicks Sam under the table. “Thanks Sammy.”</p>
<p>Sam smiles, “you’re welcome.” Sam looks around at all the full tables, and his heart swells. He leans forward and kisses Eileen. “I love you.”</p>
<p>She smiles, “I know.” Eileen nods her head at the room, “they’re all waiting for your toast.”</p>
<p>“Oh right.” Sam stands up and clinks his glass with his fork. “I just want to thank you all for coming. Don’t worry I’ll keep it short. We have a heck of a lot to be grateful for this year. It feels like we’re finally making a real difference, and I’m just happy we can all be here together.” Sam raises his glass. “To family.” </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Unseen Jack observes the gathering before him. His family together and whole. What a miraculous thing they are. All humans really. Sure they could be ungrateful and break your heart, but they could surprise you too, with their love and kindness. The way they changed every day in little ways and big. Jack thought of his predecessor often but he still didn’t understand him. Why Chuck needed control and supplication when he could have just enjoyed his creation. Maybe he was afraid they would outgrow him. Jack hoped that they would. Jack would never become Chuck. He didn’t believe in interference, but he could give a little nudge every now and then. </p>
<p>While Jack is with his family he is also at the bedside of a sick child, who sits up as their fever finally breaks. He is at a nursing home where a woman smiles at the familiar faces around her, the fog in her head clearing for a minute. He is sitting at the table with a man who’s luck is finally changing. He is holding a winning lottery ticket. The amount is not large, but it is enough. Jack loves them, all these complex beings. He hopes that when they join him on the other side they like what he has built for them. </p>
<p>Back in the bunker a figure appears at Jack’s side. It’s form flickers. There is a man in a Santa suit, a small child, an old woman, a young pale woman with dark hair and dark eyeliner. Finally its form settles into that of an older gentleman with sharp features. He is wearing a meticulously tailored dark suit, and there is a silver ring on his right hand. </p>
<p>“Hello.” Death says.</p>
<p>“How was your vacation?” Jack asks. </p>
<p>“It was illuminating being among them...being one of them.”</p>
<p>“Good, maybe we can make it a regular thing.”</p>
<p>“You know I used to relish the thought of the day I would reap God. Close and lock the door behind us.”</p>
<p>“And now?”</p>
<p>“Now, now I’m hoping you can keep this going awhile longer.”</p>
<p>Jack smiles, “I’ll do my best.” He thinks for a moment. “Everything does end, but everything begins too. Whatever comes next, it will be an adventure.” </p>
<p>Death looks at the gathering before them, focusing on the Winchesters and Castiel, the joy they were taking in each other’s company.</p>
<p>“As for them, no matter our history, I hope I won’t be seeing them for a while.”</p>
<p>Jack places his hand on Death’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, you won’t be seeing them for a lifetime.”</p>
<p>Jack and Death walk off together.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>It is the night before Christmas, or very early Christmas morning depending on your perspective. The bunker is dark, not a soul is stirring. Not a soul except for a former hunter and a former angel who are holding each other close swaying slowly to the Christmas music playing quietly. The only light comes from the Christmas tree in the corner, bathing the pair in a multi-coloured glow. The sleeves of Castiel’s shirt are rolled up to his elbows, his tie is loose, and his coat is draped over a nearby chair. In all of his very long life he has never felt more at peace. He wishes this night could go on forever, but he knows that the man in his arms has had a very long day. </p>
<p>“Dean you must be exhausted.”</p>
<p>Dean pulls his head back and forces his eyes open, “I’ve never been more awake in my life.”</p>
<p>“Liar.” </p>
<p>Dean grins.</p>
<p>“I’ll still be here when you wake up. Tomorrow morning, and every morning after that,” Cas assures him. </p>
<p>“I know. I know you will. I just want this moment to last a little while longer. Think you can hold me up.”</p>
<p>“Of course. For as long as you like.”</p>
<p>Dean gives Cas a soft kiss and then rests his head on his shoulder. They turn slowly.</p>
<p>“I love you Cas,” Dean mumbles. </p>
<p>Cas closes his eyes and rests his head against Dean’s, “I love you too.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>THE END</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone! Writing this has been a little light in the darkness of a rough season for me, and I hope it's brought you all a little light as well. Thank you for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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